Friday, August 18, 2006

Eve Draws The Line At Brain & Testicle Eating

Even when I'm indulging my celeb-idolizing, I stil like to maintain a bit of my iconoclast spirit. So I usually take great pains to disassociate from whoever the hot flavor of the year is, and go for the girl who was once the it-girl, but now is fading (or faded) from the spotlight.

So if you say Beyonce, I might go J-Lo. You say Eva Longoria, I might go Marissa Tomei, or Penelope Cruz. If Christina A's back, then I'll take advantage of poor, broken Britney ...

So along those lines, a week or two ago I was looking at Eve's wiki, and thinking, "hmmm, she's kind of cute now that the spotlight isn't so bright. Perhaps someday I will put down my ibook and take her on as my muse." But then I saw she was dating the son of a dictator, and being given Bentleys as gifts. And here I haven't even put Google Adsense on my blog yet. So the thoughts passed.

But then Rush & Molloy provide a glimmer of hope, as they report Eve and TeodorĂ­n Nguema Obiang are on the ropes. Apparently having "one of the most ruthless dictators in the world" as a potential father-in-law might be wearing on Eve's conscience a bit, considering the Bentleys, yachts etc may be coming at the expense of the country's people.

But exploitation is not so bad when it's to your gain. So I tend to agree when R&M speculate further:

"Perhaps it was the potential father-in-law who was the turnoff. President Obiang killed his own uncle, was thought to be involved in his brother's "suicide attempts" after he questioned Teodorin's role in the government, and has been accused of cannibalism by opponents.

The leader of the government in exile, Severo Moto Nsa, said on Spanish radio: "He has just devoured a police commissioner. I say devoured, as this commissioner was buried without his testicles and brain."

Perhaps indeed. With Eve's thespian pursuits I'm inclined to think we have the premise for Meet The Parents III: Papa PeePee Eater.

And of course, I can write the script, and make the connection with Eve. Synergy!

Rappers Gives Hotshot The Eve-Ho
[NY Daily News]
Breakup of The Day [bestweekever]

8 comments:

  1. Now that's what I call Branded Entertainment

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  2. Oh this cracked me up...nice work!

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  3. Eve, ugh. Perfect example of a chick who's mostly hot just because she's famous.

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  4. "But then I saw she was dating the son of a dictator, and being given Bentleys as gifts. And here I haven't even put Google Adsense on my blog yet. So the thoughts passed."
    LMFAO serially

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  5. Now now: let's not get down on the E.V.E. I'm sure you'd accept a threesome with the Bush Twins in a second.

    I LOVED her first albumn but then just kind of pity-bought her successive stuff on the street. I wonder if she regrets those pawprints on her chest.

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  6. Anonymous8/19/2006

    Damn, Can't an African remove an opponents nuts and brain without being called a cannibal? Racists!

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  7. MizuWari8/19/2006

    Isn't Eve like, the poor man's Black Gwen Stefani or something?

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  8. There are some cultures that consider dying brainless and ball-less an honor.

    The worse tragedy is to be among the living who are brainless and ball-less.

    I know a few. Some are even heads of state (no pun intended).

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