So, Um, What's The Assimilated Negro All About Anyways???

So what is TAN all about?

People ask me all the time, and I don't know what to tell them. But recently, I've realized that a big part of my creative/artistic vision is about finding the balance. Black and white. Funny and serious. Whimsy and whatever. Wait, that's the same thing. Well either way, in baseball jargon, I like to "hit it where they ain't."

So in digging through the archives, you're sure to find I have a "voice" with a Chappellian fervor for racial humor. But by no means, is it all that I talk about.

I tell some personal stories. But I prefer to use this site as a sketchpad for whatever creative impulses shoot through my assimilated brain. Sometimes I'm short and to the point. Sometimes I'm long-winded.
Sometimes I do some celebs. Some sports. Some current events. Some NYC. Some philosophy. Some childish nonsense. Some satire. Some whimsy. Some music. Some video. Some T(rue)&A. Some pansy-ass punk beeotch ish. Some hip hop. I might tell you about a concert, or a video shoot.

And that's just tip of the iceberg. All on the quest for balance.

When I started this blog, after a couple weeks of posting there was only one conclusion to be drawn. I sent an e-mail to Nick Denton and Gawker, letting them know I was ready for the big time. Here's an excerpt:

Recently getting started, but I have a good back story, an agent ... and more importantly skills.

maybe.

But I think the only thing holding gawker back from world domination is a little melanin. The negroes who spend their money on broadband, instead of wholesale crack. And that's where T.A.N. comes in.
(...)
With the audio, I saw you give a shout to John Eff Kennedy, who I once hired to hail cabs for me back in the day. He had a nice little celeb rappy-rap ... but I'm better. And black. So I'm better, plus I keep it real...

No response at the time (my pitch letters are an interesting balance of risk/reward all-or-nothing propositions). After a month, and inspired by this guy's gawk-scam (scawk?), I decided to step my game up and make sure I got on the radar. Though I remember feeling ambivalent when TMFTML linked me citing my line, "got the melanin flowin', for Jessica coen" as a sign of the apocalypse. (it's not me, it's fast franks).

Fast-forward less than a year later, and I'm compelled to crack the slightest of smiles, because while Nick never e-mailed me back (though we've spoken since), tomorrow I start temping guest-editing at the big G. And the fact I'm working with the apocalypse-predicting Alex, and the scawking Chris (neither of whom were with Gawk at the time), seems a wee bit ironic, if not outright synergistic destiny.

Anyhooka, perhaps Gawker is looking for balance, and hopefully that will be something I can provide.

wordemup.

PS: Due to the G-shift, I won't be back until next week, but please send tips and as much help as possible to theassimilatednegro at gmizzy. You're more likely to get through to an editor there than the cluttered gawker tips line, at least for tomorrow and Friday.

HOLLA!