Dear Guy On The Train Looking At Me While Licking His Lips,
Why did you do that??!!?
I can’t believe you looked at me while licking your lips. You weren’t licking them in a casual my-lips-are-dry way. You licked them with a fully open mouth and an incredibly unnerving twinkle in your eye.
I immediately averted my eyes, but slowly, so as not to draw attention. Just, you know, checking out this banner on how English as a second language will give me the career I’ve always wanted. And now I see Dr. Zizmor can help my skin look radiant. And now some subway "poetry in motion" that I have no idea the meaning of…
But I took a peek back at you, and you were still looking at me. I couldn’t believe it. I had to avert my eyes again, this time quickly, because obviously my cover was blown and escape was the only thing on my mind. Thank god I was at the other end of the train.
Yet and still, I looked back at you again, fearful of what I might find, like you were some horrible car accident with only babies involved. Luckily your eyes had moved on to indubitably greener pastures. I figure you must be one of those homosexuals that are all the rage these days. I heard you guys do shite like that. Lick your lips on the train while making eye contact with guys. Fcuking crazy. But I am a little flattered too. I mean girls don’t really ever do it. I mean, I know, like, blogger chicks might do it ironically. But no one does it for real for real. Not for me. So that’s kind of cool. I guess on that day I was looking kind of hot. My blue hooded sweatshirt fits pretty well. And my blue New Balance sneakers are the perfect complement ... for attracting compliments. heheh. I was also nominated for Hottie Urban Blogger of the Year award. And Jack called me an Unfriendly Black Hottie on blogebrity. Even though I'm probably more friendly than hottie. Well, except with you. Anyways, the point is that I guess I kind of understand.
But just so you know, I don't have a problem with gay people. Just please, don't make eye contact with me while you're licking your lips in such an aggressive sexual manner. It freaks me out.