Thursday, December 08, 2005

Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child

Thus far I've treated this medium as more of a sketch-pad than diary.

But some personal things demand documentation of some sort.

Like Thanksgiving with my newly-discovered sister.

So about 15 minutes ago, my aforementioned sister informed me that my infrequently mentioned mother is in NYC and interested in seeing me.

I haven't seen her in a mother-son context since I was about five years old. I haven't seen or heard from her in any capacity since I was about ten years old.

I feel a fair amount of confusion ambivalence.

But I did want to document the date and time.

I also thought it was interesting to note that the only people who know about this right now are:

my sister (who informed me)
Leila (who I haven't met in person)
and another friend who has requested anonymity when referenced on TAN

and of course, now, anyone who happens to read this post.

I'm such a weirdo... But maybe I'm going to find out why.

She's here until Saturday. Next chance will be February.

It's a tough call. I feel I just got a show at the Garden, but it's tomorrow, and I'm not really ready.

"you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow ..."

bleh ... words are so flimsy sometimes.
This was mildly therapeutic...


  1. That's a lot to absorb, TAN. Expectations are everything...

  2. I'm flattered to be on your short list.

  3. nice one.

  4. Have you spoken to her at all since age ten? Phone, letter, nothing?

    And has she done anything.. wrong in the intervening years that would justify you not seeing her at all? (Besides sending you to your pops, I just mean since then)..

  5. david - around 9-10 she kidnapped me on three separate occasions. twice off the street. and once out the classroom, in the middle of class.

    a year after that she once again tried contact, this time in a conciliatory fashion. But a friend of hers later told my family she was just setting a trap. And that was the last time I had any contact.

  6. Assuming you're.. around 30 or so.. that would give her 20 years to have mellowed her shit out.

    Truthfully, any option would be the correct choice. You owe her nothing. But, she is your mother, and knowing as little as I do about her mental health/stability 20 years ago, that's too long to judge. Your sister has appeared and you seem obviously pretty jubilant about that, hell, I'm jubilant for you. She is a part of your mother.

    Go see her. Lay into her. Be nice to her. Rip her a new one. You'd regret not going.

    But again, any option is correct.


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