Wednesday, December 28, 2005

On The Late Show Tonight: Dangers Of The SAP Button

So this is quite a bizarre story.

A woman, Colleen Nestler, was granted a restraining order that requested Late Show host David Letterman stay at least 3 yards away, "and not think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering."

In a six-page typed letter Colleen asserts that Dave has driven her to bankruptcy, and has also caused her mental cruelty and sleep deprivation. She believes Dave has been sending her coded messages that insinuate cohosting duties and *gasp* marriage.
"She said he asked her to be his wife during a televised "teaser" for his show by saying, "Marry me, Oprah." Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time.
So many ways to go with this story, I'm somewhat at a loss. We have the obviously crazy woman. Though Dave's quirky schtick coupled with a little help from the SAP button makes subliminal messaging slightly less of a stretch. We also have a crazy judge who actually granted the restraining order (it has since been lifted). We have the not very restrained distance of three yards (does it count if the tv is only two yards away?). And of course the question on everyone's mind. What about Paul Schaffer?

All this mental harassment and hammering is going to drive me to bankruptcy. I better file a restraining order against Angelina Jolie quick.

Dave Letterman Restraining Order Lifted [580cfra]
Letterman subject of restraining order []
Letterman Gunned Down By Leno [TAN]
Jolie Kidnaps Mom, Demands Sex [TAN]


  1. The judge who granted the order is clearly out of line, and the order would be unenforceable in any case.

    How is it conceivably possible that David Letterman could be made to stay three yards away from anyone? The mind reels! He's standing in my apartment right now as I type this.

  2. Please note that the restraining order specifies that the restrained must stay away from the restraint-seeker by a distance of at least three yards.

    This is pure speculation on my part, but I suspect that you may wish to modify the language in your anticipated Angela Jolie motion.

  3. Anonymous12/28/2005

    this is crazy. I can't believe the restraining order was actually granted. ridickulous ...

  4. jump - yeah, clearly I wouldn't want to actually restrain Angelina in any way. but if its what Ih ave to do to get her talk to me, I'l ltake my chances. Maybe if I give her a restraining order, that will make her want me more.

  5. Always play hard to get. It's the only way to go.

    And even if she's just talking through her lawyers, it still counts as talking.

  6. holy crap - that's why I went bankrupt? Oh shit - I gotta go call my lawyer!!

  7. Paranoid Schitzophrenic - my college roommate's brother had it. I've also read dozens upon dozens of conspiracy letters sent to Congressmen from people suffering from some pretty wild fantasies. It sounds horrible but I horded the stuff - quite entertaining…

  8. Oh...

    The other reason I kept them involves the fact that 5% of the material probably rings true - I'm currently doing the research on weather the White House really has a smut production facility in it's bowels.

  9. Maybe he granted it because he knew Letterman would never be within 1,000 miles, muchless 3 yds. of the crack pot anyway?

    This is actually a documented kind of psychosis I learned about in Abnormal Psych. People think they have relationships with famous personalities and communicate via "codes" etc on air.


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