An Incomplete List Of Things You Can Do Instead Of What You Should Be Doing (Freelancer's Lament)

(in no particular order)

eat

drink

piss

try to ascertain how many times you pass gass per hour. (f/h)

start writing anything that doesn’t have a deadline attached to it.

finish writing anything that doesn’t have a deadline attached to it

shit
+
shower (always a good combination)

Masturbate
+
Shower (always a good combination)

Wonder if there are people who shit+masturbate, with no shower. That's not a good combination.

comment on blogs

read blogs

re-comment on blogs, since they were off topic the first time around

arrange the icons on your desktop so that they are in a perfect line, horizontal and vertical

spell out your name using the icons on your desktop

wonder if you should de-clutter your desktop

declutter desktop

peruse background image options for computer

find out about this “atkins diet” everyone’s talking about.

pick up a second language

lose the first language

hate on something or someone

think about how smooth life will be once you get this work done that you're not doing

go to the salt water taffy shop …

tell myself the only thing you have to do is "stay black and die" (negroes only)

get arrested (negroes only)

wonder about the mystery wrapped in an enigma that is woman

make a rap song about nothing important

go out and hang my sneakers on some telephone wire

iron underwear, socks, hats, and paper towels

take a look around the apt. and make mental notes about all the cleaning and organizing that needs to be done

laundry!

reminisce about the last time dusting occurred

write down your "big picture" goals (retire tomorrow, live on an island, change the world etc.)

see what’s on tv

see what’s on the tv channels I never watch

read magazines

read a book

read tarot cards

read the body language of people walking on the street

take a fork out the drawer, flip it up in the air, catch it, and then put it back in the drawer

do it again, but miss the catch, pick the fork off the floor, and put it back without washing it

come back later and wash the fork

call mayor Bloomberg and leave a message asking if he knows "what's black and white and read all over?"

get drowsy thinking about the work you need to do

start working

fall asleep five minutes in

wake up and start over ....