Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Angelina Jolie Kidnaps Mom, Demands Sex For Her Safe Return

The word on blogstreet is that you're supposed to keep your blog focused and niche-specific. This is the way to build your core audience.

So with that in mind, after posting for introspective males, gawker users, dodgeball users, people who speak with their eyes, and fantasy football enthusiasts ... I figure this one is a quick thought for any woman or man who wouldn't mind a night of passion with Angelina Jolie.

Let's say you were happily married. And let's say you had a wonderful mother that you loved very dearly.

Now let's say Angelina Jolie kidnaps your mother and threatens to kill her unless you have a night of passionate sex with her. Sort of an indecent proposal, but with no money involved.

This would be a pretty cool scenario. But not for the sex with Angelina (though media speculation says that's likely to be a bonus as well), but because later when having a fight with your partner you would be able to say in all seriousness, "Listen!! I had to fuck Angelina Jolie!! It was the only goddamned way to get my mother back goddammit!!! If you can't respect that, you're just being selfish!!"

as an addendum, I found this quote on one of the Jolie links:

"I need more sex, okay? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world."
-Angelina Jolie

if they camp outside for blocks when Star Wars opens, the line for this should end in South America. The Jolie Motorcycle Diaries anyone?


  1. Anonymous10/18/2005

    I friggin' love Angelina Jolie.

    you're not too shabby yourself there TAN

    but I LOVE Angelina.

    I'm so in line for a tasting.

  2. careful careful. She may leave you with an aftertaste. especially after tasting everyone else...

  3. bright-eyes: isn't that more accurately called an STD?

    TAN: your blog is very clever and entertaining - thanks!

    TAN P.S. Thanks for the exemption from poopy-blog status too.

  4. This is actually such a good idea, I think you should work on the screen play. I think you'll be able to get Angelina to play herself in the film. And my mother can get kidnapped. I'll take one for the home team.

  5. Hey, Angelina doesn't need to kidnap your mother. She just needs to be included on your freebie-lay list, the five famous people who your significant other gives you special dispensation to sleep with should the opportunity ever arise.

    I happen to have Brad Pitt on my list, because he's so damn purty. He even showed up in my dreams last night. He rested his head on my lap and I stroked his hair. He was wonderfully snuggly. Angelina, though? Looks like a wildcat. She's on a lot of people's freebie lists (men and women alike).

  6. hell even I'd do angelina and i don't play that way!

  7. What annush said. That's a hot bitch. I had to add her to my top ten freebie lay list.

  8. I'd have to think about this. There could be serious implications. Suppose she decided that I'm just the cat's meow. I'm not sure I could stand being followed around by Jolie for all my remaining days, you know - having her dragging at my heels everywhere I go and such. My mother would understand if I bow out of the plot; she's seen me make worse decisions.

    I'm enjoying your blog... just getting my feet wet in here and having a look around. Thanks for leading me over here!

  9. sat - thanks, you've made me laugh a few times as well.

    blue moon - thanks

    annush & max - let me know when it happens so I can see if all the fuss is worth it.

    weary - should I call you "weary", or "hag" for short? Anyone who with a "cerebral outpost" is always welcome. Your feet shouldn't be that wet though. There's no liquid around ... unless it's your own ...

  10. Proving once again that the world's most desired women are the ones who whore it up the most.

  11. Just when I thought my jolie fantasies were winding down, you go and give me a whole new one. I think though that it needs to be a 3some with pretty boy pitt. And, after I have tried all the things I want, my hubby joins in. Now tere is a scenario. Of course it is only to save Mother, right??

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