Friday, October 28, 2005

Sorry White Sox Fans, If No One Saw You Win Then It Doesn't Count

Since I broke through the virtual glass ceiling and got plugged on Gawker, I now spit out mimosas instead of Colt 45, and caviar instead of fried chitlins when I read something ludicrous on Gawker's jock-brother Deadspin.

The most recent thing that induced hurling was this post about the Chicago White Sox as an all-time-great team. In the comment section there were a bunch of crazed crack-head Chicagoans supporting the notion, until I showed up and put the smack down on all the nonsense.

I mean what do you want from me? Respect? Ok fine, congrats to the White Sox, you won the Little League World Series. *twirls finger*

Now I said no one cared about this World Series matchup before it even started.

And from the tepid response I was forced to think, "hmmm maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the world doesn't revolve around NYC, and there are people who care about the Astros and the Chicago Cubs, err Bears, err Bulls, err White Sox."

But lo and behold, just when things seemed dark, and even guys like Easy were in my comment box pointing out the error of my ways, the word comes down from ESPN:

More People Watched Me Wipe My Ass On Public Access Television Than Watched The World Series

hey, I don't write the headlines, I just link them.

This series "beat" out the 2002 tussle between the Anaheim Angels and San Francisco Giants (also known as the World Series for gay people) for lowest rating ever.

And yes I do think that's engraved on the championship trophy.

And yes I too had forgotten about that 2002 World Series. Just like I imagine I'll forget about this one as soon as I press "publish post." Or blink.

So I can't wait to Fed-Ex this post to Zulkey, and the ten other wannabe Cubs fans trying to convince Chicagoans there's a reason for looting.

hmmm, but how will I pay for the Fed-Ex? My blog's not worth much. Oh wait, I know!! I can sell my autographed Paul Konerko jersey on E-Bay. If I lie and call it "Official MLB Toilet-Paper" I might even get a couple bucks for it.

The one good thing is since Boston won last year, at least when people ask "who won the world series?" we can say "The Sox" and it won't make too much of a difference.


  1. I'm in Chicago so I knew the Sox were in it, and Mr. Tangerine even watched the games. But I can't get excited about a team with the fan demographics the White Sox have. Yes, Barack Obama is a fan and I love him, but the prototypical Sox fan is a white ethnic (Irish, Polish, Italian, Yugoslavian) blue-collar yahoo, exemplified by that guy who ran out on the field shirtless, accompanied by his teenage son, to attack someone from the other team. There's nothing wrong with being a white ethnic blue-collar sports fan, but the yahooism? Ptui.

    Omigod. I'm an Assimilated Elitist Honky. It's true. I've totally bought into the Cubs-fan bias against Sox fans. Jeeze, what am I if not a white ethnic with blue-collar roots? (Polish, Irish, and more!) Oh, how I betray my people. It all happened because I went away to college and moved to the North Side, didn't it?

    Wow. Thanks for the therapy session, TAN.

  2. Wow it sounds like you guys could really use a session at a World Series Victory Parade. Having just come from one, I can say: it is so choice.

    I'm a white ethnic white collar sports fan from Evanston, btw.

    Yay! I'm glad you guys care.

  3. I'm just glad to have drawn out the esteemed Claire Zulkey. Zulkey and Nathan Rabin hip hop my world.

  4. Hi, I'm "As Always...Rachael's" husband Jake and I love your work. Now a few words about baseball teams and their fans. CUBS FANS: Phony elitisits that Holden Caulfield would loathe. They are the Zima of baseball fans. They will try to claim that they are better fans because the National League is ostensibly "more cerebral and intellectual" and "more driven by strategy" than the American League. In reality, they are all getting as shitfaced as the rest of us. News flash: Kerry Wood is a bust. WHITE SOX FANS: Tried to revel in their second banana status in the Windy City, but really come as whiny wimps. They are blue collar losers who wanted to be known as "loveable losers." have to have a job to be blue collar. YANKEES FANS: Being a Yankee fan is like rooting for Microsoft...or Hitler. And most of us like it when Microsoft and Hitler lose, which is why the World Series that the Yankees are in get such high ratings: everyone is rooting for the fall of Rome, not its survival, and we all came to watch the carnage. DODGER FANS: Go back to Spago and eat your pate de fois gras. Tommy Lasorda is and always be overrated. He pitched to Jack Clark in the 85 NLCS with first base open and crushed a homer off of your 3rd-inning-arriving-7th-inning-departing asses. And my contribution to the thought-o-sphere is the stringing together of words to make one humongous hyphenated word.

  5. Jake - so awesome that you felt compelled to post. so awesome that you had to use your wife's full profile name to identify her. the "as", the "always", the ellipsis, and the "rachael" ... the latter of which I suspect may have been enough for the less thorough of us.

    Feel free to size up the rest of MLB. i'm interested. I"m a mets fan, what's my deal? (as if I don't already know ...)

  6. I definitely didn't watch. But I read your blog - what's that say?

  7. Just want to say I heard an interesting article read over 670AM radio on the Mike Murphy show. I forgot the author but the crux regarding Sox demographics (October 2005 article) is that BOTH Chicago teams share the same fan base. If you consider the actions of a few Billy Badass jerk-offs transcend across the worldwide White Sox fan base, then, at least our fans will beat up your fans when they are stupid enough to FALL OUT OF THEIR CHAIR! Who the hell are you kidding? Asimilated Black Man or whatever your name is.


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