Thursday, October 06, 2005

TAN Says: Girls Never Get Enough Quality Time

Mrs. Claus Files for Divorce

Says she doesn’t get enough “quality time”

(AP) October 6, 2005 – Alaska

In an unprecedented move, Mrs. Claus has filed for divorce due to irreconcilable differences.

In a statement Mrs. Claus announced, “I’m a woman with needs. I have feelings, emotions and opinions that matter. I need someone who can appreciate that. Nicky is just not there for me. He’s not there when I need him.”

Nickolas “Nicky” Claus was shocked to hear her wife was filing for divorce, “I spend 364 days out of the year with her. I worked all my life to get this dream gig, where I’m off every day except one, and really I don’t go out until bedtime on Christmas Eve and spend a few hours … and then I’m back. How can she complain about time?”

Mrs. Claus when hearing of her soon to be ex-husband’s objection tearfully replied, “it’s not a matter of days, hours or minutes.” The tears continued to stream down her face, “You see?!!? You see what I’m talking about?!?! He’s checking the clock and the calendar … but he’s not listening to what I have to say.”

Some female reporters could be seen nodding their heads in agreement as Ms. Claus poured her heart out passionately.

“I love this man I tell you. I love him to death. But if I need him on December 25th, he is not willing to compromise. I make a Christmas list myself, and every year my #1 wish is to make love with my husband from midnight until 4 AM on December 25th. And he has NEVER given me my Christmas present. I get to have a list also, I’ve been good all year and I deserve to celebrate Christmas with my guy!!”

Mr. Claus when hearing of the tirade said, “Laura is being manipulative and unreasonable. That’s just not fair.”


  1. Laura? Her name is Laura? See, living so far north, I would have guessed Ingrid. Maybe she immigrated?

  2. Anonymous10/06/2005



    Neeeeee - Groooooooo

    Neeeeee - Groooooo

    for some reason when I come here I feel like a kid again.

    more please.

  3. Ingrid Claus? This isn't a foreign film. You know Nick is going to want a Kate, or Lisa, Mary, Apple ... something wholesome like that.

    I feel like a kid when I come here also ...

  4. I'm pretty sure that girl on his lap ain't named Laura!

  5. Anonymous10/12/2005

    First Laura Bush and now THIS. When do I get some respect around here??!!!


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