Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Interview With The Number Nine

TAN - So # 9 how are you today?

#9 – Good.

TAN – Well this is the first ever interview with an actual number. At least on record. I guess the first question really is simply what’s on your mind? What is prompting you to engage the media like this?

#9 – I don’t know. I think I just feel an internal nagging … or desire. A need to proclaim my unique identity to the world. Don't get me wrong I love all the other numbers, but hey, I think I’m special and deserve some extra attention. Sue me. *laughs heartily*

TAN – Interesting, ok well tell us what distinguishes you from the other numbers?

#9 – Well, you mean aside from my looks? *laughs heartily again* Heheh … joking aside, I’m sure most people will agree that I stand out as a number. My awesomeness is fairly self-evident. I think the easiest and most obvious example is if you think about what number you are when you are at your best.

TAN – ummmm …I’m not …it's not one right? ... ummm ...

#9 – Well when things are good, you’re floating, floating on cloud ... *trails off*

TAN – NINE!! … yes I’m on cloud nine. Of course.

#9 – Yeah, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Everyone loves cats, right? They are great animals. Well how many lives do they have?

TAN – Nine again …

#9 – That’s right. And when you’re giving it your all and you want to get the job done – how many yards you going to give it?

TAN – The whole nine yards … ok ok … I get the picture, I can understand you needing to speak out.

#9 – Everyone has their calling ….

TAN – Well … what’s it like being a number?

#9 – Well pretty boring if I don’t say so myself. That’s not to say it’s inactive … because I am busy from sunup to sundown. But it’s typically boring work. That’s another reason I wanted to get myself out there … maybe to branch out some. Diversify. I can do other stuff besides being a number.

TAN – Like what?

#9 – Like singing. I'm pretty good at water polo. I can make a hell of a chicken ceasar salad. I’d like to get on Def Poetry Jam. I'm a complex number …. but don’t let me bore you with my whims ...
TAN - What do you hate most about being a number?

#9 – The obligation. Being defined so definitively. Between all the equations, and headcounts, and stock market figures ... it's tough ... there’s a lot of pressure. And everyone wants me to stay the same.

TAN – Yeah, no one likes to be pigeon holed. Who’s your favorite number?

#9 – Easy … #6

TAN – I could have guessed that. Well unfortunately we're running out of time. It was nice talking to you #9. You're quite an interesting dude, and I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of you. Good luck in expanding your range and making a name for yourself.

#9 – Thanks TAN. Thanks for giving me a voice.


  1. Didja ever see that "Saturday Night Live" skit in which a couple Beatles open a fried chicken joint? Behind the counter, they're calling the next customer number: "Number nine? Number nine?" (As in the song, "Revolution 9.") Nobody comes to the counter, so then they say, "Number ten? Number ten?" Ahh, that was funny stuff. Maybe you hadda be there...

  2. Damn! I was gonna mention Revolution #9!

    Engine, engine number #9?

    And all the prices end with 9 - sometimes more.

    But I thought 7 ate 9? That's what my kindergartner told me, and he rarely tells fibs!

  3. I'll be sure to forward all your comments on to Mr. Nine, I'm sure he'll be appreciative.


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